In solution focused therapy, one of the questions we ask is “What did you learn from that?”
We ask this question when our clients mention something they have achieved, managed, coped with or overcome.
When we ask “what did you learn from that?” we invite our clients to explore, to dig deeper into their minds to shine a light on all of the strengths and resources that helped them to cope, to achieve, to manage, to overcome.
Every experience we have; every interaction we have, presents us with an opportunity to learn something about ourselves and the people around us. But these lessons can go unlearnt unless we shine a light on them.
And this question, such a simple question, is the light that we can shine. “What did you learn from that?”
We can adjust where we shine the light with more questions: “What difference did that make? What did you notice? What else?”
Our capacity to learn from what we did right is something we often overlook. We spend vast swathes of time post-match-analysing the times we were wrong or were wronged, and comparatively little time debriefing the times that things went well.
And yet, the more we focus on what we have done well, the more we can recreate it, repeat it, allow it to influence our future in a positive way.
So, treat yourself to this question, the next time things go well – you have a good meeting, a good conversation, a good day. “What did I learn from that?”