As solution focused therapists, when we meet a client for the first time, one of the first questions we are likely to ask is…
“What are your best hopes from our talking together?”
But what happens if our client answers with something that we know to be impossible?
What do we do then?
Given the importance of fostering our clients’ confidence and belief in the process, giving up on the question is not an option. We can’t just say “nevermind” and move on.
But more than that, we need an answer to this question if our conversation is to be in any way meaningful.
If we have no idea where the client hopes to get to by talking to us, then we have no idea what to ask to help them find their way towards that place.
Backing out is a no-no.
So what do we do if a client describes their best hopes as doing something we know them to be physically incapable of doing?
For example, what if a client who is paralysed from the waist down tells us they would like to stand up and go for a walk?
We know this is impossible, but, as Cofounder of BRIEF Evan George likes to say “The client’s answer is always the right answer.” So we must accept it, and work with it.
And we can – simply by asking the next question, we can help the client to realise the value in their answer.
“So, suppose you stood up right now, and went for a walk; what difference would that make?”
The client is likely to answer with something a little less impossible. We start to move towards feelings. “I would feel free.” “I would feel in control.”
We can keep going. The question remains just as valuable, and just as valid.
“And what difference would that make?”
It’s such a simple question, and yet counter-intuitive, and missing from most of our everyday conversations, where we tend to smother such fantastical hypotheticals with reassurances and dismissals.
Encouraging our clients to lead us around the detail of their best hopes is not setting them up for disappointment. It is not promising the impossible. It is not wasting their time. It is allowing them space to explore, to clarify, to recognise, to realise what they hope to get from the next hour.